Guess who’s back, back again.

Krazii’s back. Tell a friend. 🙂

Hey guys. This is going to be a different post than the usual.

I’m just going back to the roots why I started this in the first place. It was a sense of ranting/release of creativity/university assessments… or just something that I don’t really release to the world that is my social life. I know friends read this, I know randoms read this. So I sincerely hope that I reach to your non-existent expectations. I know I’m random. I’m weird. I’m a bit of everything. This all equates to something that is my being.

So if you don’t know me, HI. Nice to meet you… well, I’m not really meeting you. But you know what I mean. My name is kraziishiz. I respect my friends as they respect me (well, I hope to think that way). My perspective has changed throughout my life, as it would and should. Change is inevitable. Why would my case be any different? I guess I thought that I had been through the worst of situations, but I know that isn’t the case. I trust too easily, I fall in love too easily and I pretty much love being a social butterfly.

Thing is… I’ve forgotten everything that was my priority about three years back. I was naive (what an old thing to say…) and stupid. I wasn’t thinking clearly and I still don’t have that clarity when I think about my future. By trusting those too easily back those years ago, I let myself open to anything and everything. Although, I soon realised that by trusting too easily, my heart was broken time and time again. Pain that I felt was always hidden and shadowed. It was always something that I had done everywhere I went. Hide the pain, paste a smile, laugh when you want to cry and just not be myself. I lived by the saying, ‘Be yourself… it’s all that you can do‘, but by not taking my own advice, I felt like I had betrayed myself. Being myself required something more different than the usual. I started to let go of any insecurities (but there are still things that I’m insecure about).

I became more like a socialite. Having more friends, talking more to others… but I realised that this too, was the wrong thing to do. In finding new friends, I let go of my old ones. They turned their backs on me after about a 4 year friendship. I guess that was my fault.

Some people are just meant to be in your life. Some just make an appearance.

In accordance to someone who made an appearance in my life, I’m sorry. I’m sorry to the one person who loved me for everything I was. I’m sorry I turned my back on you. I’m sorry I ruined our friendship, but you know I’m trying to build it back. You wanted things from me, and I was scared for my life. You were picturing a life with me, a family, a future. I couldn’t think the same of you. I was young and I was still confused about the future. I didn’t even know what I was going to do with my life. When you mentioned all those things, when you cried… I just couldn’t imagine it. I was afraid, and still am. It has been a few years, but you’re not what I wanted. I just wanted someone who would listen… who would care. I know you’ll find someone much better for you in the future. I know you’ll find the girl of your dreams. One who isn’t me. I’m sorry.

Indecisiveness could make or break someone. With mine, I guess it made me who I was… but broke me every time someone told me to make a choice. Life is all about those decisions. I needed to take my mind off things. I had to be more like my previous self. I needed to be more carefree than I was, experience new things… be the krazii self I was.

By being more carefree, I met someone who I just couldn’t turn my back on. He was self-conscious about himself, but he himself knew he could change things. He hadn’t received the affection he wanted. So, I gave it to him. I gave the affection he needed. I’m sorry if this was the wrong thing to do. It started off as a friendship. It ended as an unrequited love… and still continues to do so. An unrequited love that will remain in that tiny corner of my heart for as long as I shall live. You were my first true love. After you messed with my life, turned it upside-down, made it seem like hell by not talking to me… I don’t think I’ll turn back into that naive girl that you met.

Something clicked in my head. Something changed. This was wrong. I attempted to avoid you. Every time I was near you, it intoxicated me. My heart always took over my mind. What was I thinking? …I wasn’t. You were all I cared about. But you never cared for me. I was never able to live up to your expectations. As soon as another interest was available, you chose her over me. I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough. But I could tell what you wanted. All the flaws you had, I loved you for them. But what was the point? Seems like I was missing that.

It has been a year or so. How have I evolved?

I haven’t opened myself completely to every activity out there… BUT, I have set myself a bit differently. Getting to know more people by setting up a society… but then losing it by transferring. This world I’m living in right now doesn’t allow me to be that socialite I wanted to be.

I have friends who know my name. How many actually know me? …That’s a question I want answered.

If you really knew me, you’d know what’s going on.

So, what does Ring of Fire mean to me?

It’s a Johnny Cash song, but I heard a cover of this song by Jack Savoretti from “Greek“. It’s an American drama series which I absolutely love watching for Cappie and Casey. This song played in Season 4, episode 5… after the Everest party. It just has that sense of wholesomeness. It also allowed me to reminisce. I guess that’s why I posted this up.

The taste of love is sweet
When hearts like ours meet
You see, I fell for you like a child
Oh, but the fire went wild

And know, I fell into a burning ring of fire
I went down, down, down but the flames grew higher
And it burns, burns, burns, this ring of fire
This ring of fire

Hope this isn’t too random. And I hope you enjoyed the post.

Cheerio guys.

Hoping to bring a little krazii in your day. ❤